out of town and sorts

it is funny how mumbled things can get by simply changing your environment. i have been in california for less than a week and i am a bit out of sorts. it is good seeing people i love and do not get the chance to have in my day-to-day life anymore but i font feel grounded or connected within myself and in turn, have a difficulty being fully present and connecting to those around me. i just talked to an old friend and he just found out he has cancer. it seems like a lot of people in my life and in trying places right now and i feel it trying me as well. I am having a hard time extending grace and patience and even love to the people in my present environment and hope that they will still be able to grant those things to me. i think i am a bit anxious about the future because i know i must wait for more guidance but want to know now...i have realized that i fear judgement and that i am the most stern judge of all. there is such beautiful sunshine and rolling hillsides that have wrapped themselves around me like they used to. thanks for reading my release.

a prayer

please pray for a sister of mine who is struggling with a terminal illness. last night she took a bad turn and it is frightening. she is a bright and resilient spirit, known and loved by many of you. lift her up in your hearts. thank you.

ode to katie

tonight a dear friend of mine came in from france. i am a bit ashamed to say that i forgot how much she means to me. she reminds me how to see color and vibrance. how to thrive for all things true and beautiful. she is genuinely graceful in every sense of the word. we will be able to be around her for a few days and so i am celebrating katie tonight with classical music, hot cocoa and nag champa.

from the depths

Today some friends of mine shared with me an image from this artist. Her name is Erica Grimm-Vance. enjoy.

giddy

today i woke up early and excited like a kid on thier first day of school. it is my last day of school for a little while and im on the edge of a few weeks of freedom. so i danced in my living room in my underwear at 7am. the sun will stay out today. im sure of it.

the sun came back.

reunion

tonight i saw an immense light
a large hand reached
between rib cages
slow, steady, strong

lifted me limp
by the sternum

bluegreen bulging channels
wrapped round
steady flow
a glow
pulsating life
light
from one Palm

the other cradled chin and cheek
tingle of tender touch

we've been apart
for far too long

gravity

How surely gravity's law,
strong as an ocean current,
takes hold of even the smallest thing
and pulls it toward the heart of the world.

Each thing
each stone, blossom, child
is held in place.
Only we, in our arrogance,
push out beyond what we each belong to
for some empty freedom.

If we surrendered
to Earth's inteligence
we could rise up rooted, like trees.

Instead we entangle ourselves
in knots of our own making
and struggle, lonely and confused.

So, like children, we begin again
to learn from the things,
because they are in God's heart;
they have never left him.

This is what the things teach us:
to fall,
patiently to trust our heaviness.
Even a bird has to do that
before he can fly.

-Rainer Maria Rilke

beginnings..

are enjoyable, much like endings. so we being this deposit site of thoughts and things into space. i have a hunch it will be full of starts and finishes of many sorts. thanks for your visit...more to come